Let me preface this by saying I love men. A lot. Often. This is not a man-hating post. Though some are going to read it as such and those people are dumb as stumps.
A friend’s daughter starts every interaction with a new potential romantic partner with a simple direct question. “Would you vote for a woman for president?”
If the answer is not an immediate and resounding “yes,” she knows it’s best to move on. And she’s absolutely spot on. Any sort of hesitation or conditional argument about the ability of a woman to lead is… you guessed it.. misogyny.
I’ve known my fair share of men. Loved a few of them too. Not many of them have been willing to give their full throated approval of women in charge. I am lucky to have found one finally who truly does.
I’ve seen misogyny rear its ugly head my whole adult life. It’s been on full display in the workplace all too often. While the ERA sought to course correct this, the political climate in the US over the last few years has certainly eroded this. We see it constantly in the media; indeed, we’re quite often slapped in the face with it.
We have been told that a woman is too emotional to lead. Yet god forbid a man be told no. Cue the emotional toddler that appears. Men are fucking crybabies. Speaking of leadership, we need to have a word about all the ladies out there who could not bring themselves to cast a ballot for Hillary Clinton and then Kamala Harris. The word is quite simply WHY. I’ve said for a lot of years that is says a TON about the hold of misogyny in America that in a country that is sadly, incredibly racist, we elected a black man before we elected a woman to the highest office in the land. Make no mistake, I think Barack Obama was a great president. I simply think a woman should have succeeded him.
We’ve been told women cannot operate heavy machinery or power tools. I argue that’s because no one ever thought to teach us. I recently got a lesson in cutting and installing baseboard molding and have got to say, I’m pretty good at it. I’ve also learned how to change out electrical outlets and fixtures. I already knew how to spackle drywall. I also happen to know more than one woman with a CDL and more than a few who are really bad ass firefighters.
We have been told that women are crazy drivers. Someone needs to explain why insurance rates for women are lower than that of men. I mean… I worked in the insurance industry and can tell you for fact that they don’t make a move without a shit-ton of research backing up their underwriting decisions. If women were such terrible drivers, wouldn’t our insurance rates would be higher? Think about it.
Long, long before the automobile, however, women who contradicted or threatened male authority and the patriarchal structure were accused of witchcraft. Misogyny at it’s most extreme. Crops failed? Drought? Flood? Kitchen accident? Hang nail? Blame the old widow down the lane who also happens to be a midwife and part time herbalist. Call her a witch and by all means burn her. Any woman who did not conform to to societal norms was a target.
Misogyny has been widely practiced for thousands of years. It is seen in art, literature, societal structure, history, mythology, philosophy, and religion. It is found in movies, books, pop culture and politics. Misogyny is omnipresent.
What’s most alarming to me is the number of women that are also willing to follow along with the men in their misogyny. That’s what really burns my bacon. Internalized misogyny goes hard in way too many women. We have been conditioned to it for so long that it sadly feels like second nature. Women do not trust other women. The patriarchy revels in this shit.
You can call it cattiness, but women are the first to critique the behavior, dress, appearance of other women. Internalized misogyny right there. Slut-shaming, gauging a woman’s worth based on her romantic or sexual choices, critiquing parenting styles or policing the confidence of another woman are insidious ways we know the patriarchy has conditioned us for centuries. We have been conditioned since birth. Dressed in pink, pushed into courses, classes, and careers that have been traditionally geared to women. As a woman in tech, I’ve been in the minority for years; it’s been delightful.
Social media and traditional media seals our fate and driven internalized misogyny into a blood sport. In a feverish quest to sell us more STUFF, corporations bombard us with ads to remove hair from our bodies, enhance our figures, lose weight, gain a booty, hide the way we smell naturally, etcetera, etcetera. We are sexualized at an incredibly young age and taught to compete with one another for some supposed scarce resource, men. Which is wild, by the way; men are ridiculously easy to come by.
So what to do, readers?
Be the change you want to see in the world, that’s what you do. We cannot change men overnight, that’s for sure. It’s going to take a LOT to undo thousands of years of conditioning. But we do have power to reflect and consider how our own actions feed and contribute to internalized misogyny. Celebrate the achievements of women. Empathize with women. Believe women. Stand up for women. Vote for women.
Change is possible, don’t resist it.
