I think I’ve talked about this in the past, but I tend to be chatty. Really, I tend to be loud. In a room full of people, you can rest assured, that it’s usually my voice (and often my laugh) that is heard above the din. I grew up in a family of very loud voices; that’s my story and I stick to it. I am also not always a person that should be on speakerphone.
As a “fuck yes” kind of lady, I have a very advanced extroverted personality. As I have segued into my “resist invisible” era over the last few years, that level of extroversion has taken on a life of its own.
This may come as a bit of a shock, but I will admit to struggling to find that voice, especially in my early 20s and specifically with people I may have just met. I can recall very vividly traveling to Chicago for my very first grown-up business conference with a number of colleagues. I was amazingly comfortable with all of them, having been through the trenches of a project for several months. But this trip meant meeting our counterparts at other divisions within the organization and that terrified me a bit. I still had an elevated level of imposter syndrome; who was going to listen to a super green recent college graduate? I also still carried that “first in the family to attend and graduate college” chip in my shoulder. I didn’t think I had anything meaningful to contribute at all.
Turns out, those colleagues were not scary at all. Once I got over my deer in the headlights anxiety (and with a healthy level of encouragement from my boss at the time, who reminded me to just be myself), I was able to smile, small talk, and make connections. I began to realize that it was not as hard as I thought. The trick is to stop being quiet.
Over the years, as my professional confidence grew, these sorts of interactions have become so much more enjoyable. I have no issue now presenting to a room full of c-suite professionals and then wining and dining them afterwards and have done if multiple times. Though I will put an asterisk after that and admit that once all is said and done, I may crash for a bit. Anyone who has done this in the past can attest that sometimes it’s exhausting to be “on.” For me, I must be ever-diligent not to drop a “for fuck’s sake” in the middle of a story.
In less professional settings, it’s so much easier as well. I welcome the opportunity to meet new people. I recently attended a destination wedding celebration and my love and I were seated at a table of strangers. The bride and groom assured us we would fit in perfectly and, of course they were right. We killed it and came back with new friends and a slew of fun stories.
Reminder, the trick is to stop being quiet.
As the years have ticked by, however, this inability to keep quiet has occasionally been unsettling to some. In my opinion, society would like women to shut the fuck up, especially as we age. The irony is that as we have all aged, our ability to stay quiet erodes. Seriously, how many of our grandmothers and mothers lost their filters as they aged? I do not think this is a new condition. It’s rather glorious.
I simply refuse to be quiet so others can be more comfortable. I will be loud. I will be fierce. I will be opinionated. It’s been particularly difficult in these divisive times in America. I have made my opinions about women’s rights, economic inequality, and my utter disgust for the orange moron residing in the White House well known to all. Some people have not, let’s say, appreciated my opinions. Oh well, I’m not interested in entertaining idiots any longer.
I suppose this ties into my whole theory of people pleasers and rule breakers as well. The older I get, the less likely I am to desire even to think about being a people pleaser. I won’t be quiet. I cannot be quiet.
Keep on resisting, friends!
Resist Invisible 